The Past 2 Weeks

So it has been 2 weeks now since we lost our little boy. The feelings and grief have been something that I cannot begin to describe. I have been sad, angry, bitter, but the best word would be numb.

Today has been especially hard....and I don't necessarily know why. Last night Bryan and I pulled out the bag from the hospital that had all of Benjamin's things in it. We looked at his footprints, his "birth certificate," his hat, blankie, etc. I held his blanket and just cried. I didn't cry for him because I know that our little boy is at peace, but I cried for all of the "could have beens" that I saw flash before me. My anger is the one emotion that I am glad is going away a bit. I was so bitter and mad at everyone. And that is something that I don't like to be! The anger plagued me and didn't allow me to go out in public, be around other people, etc. I have learned from this anger though, and learned that it is necessary in my process of grief.

The sad thing that I have realized over the past couple of weeks is that there are so many women who struggle with the pain and grief over the loss of their children. From these women I have gained strength. I have also gained a realization that I am not alone.

We have heard so many loving and kind thoughts from SO many of you. Bryan, Max, and I truly appreciate it...more than you will ever know. We are truly blessed with a beautiful and supportive family and a great and loving group of friends, and even strangers. We love you all!

I will keep you all posted on my journey. My hope for you reading this right now is that you can relate in some way. I would never hope that you would go through anything like this, but I hope you can take something from this journey and apply it to your own life. Say an extra prayer, tell someone that you love them, do something good for someone. Above all, appreciate life. Until next time...